What does it do to children when parents are always distracted by their phones?

To the father who walked with his baby carriage on the Lade footpath the other day, while scrolling on his mobile phone and talking to his roughly two-year-old child without looking at the child:

I’m sure you love your child, but you may not be aware of the long-term consequences that this kind of a communication failure can have.

Even small digital distractions, such as swiping on your phone during interactions, can affect your child’s emotional safety and social skills.

Impairs the development of good feelings and relationships

It is well known how important the early years are for children’s development. During this period, they need closeness and attention from adults to learn to understand others, build trust and develop empathy.

When parents – even with good intentions – are distracted by screens, it can impair their child’s ability to develop good feelings and relationships.

Research shows that secure attachment is created through sensitive response. Eye contact, facial expressions and body language play a central role. When these social cues are absent or overshadowed by digital distraction, the child may become frustrated, uneasy and eventually become insecure.

The child brain is particularly plastic and receptive to early experiences. A lack of positive social experiences can lead to difficulties with emotional regulation, empathy and trust later in life.

A good example is Tronick et al.’s famous “Still Face Experiment” (watch it on YouTube, it only takes 2 minutes). Here we see how the child seeks contact, but the parent has a monotonous facial expression and avoids responding.

The result is a child full of frustration and anxiety. These kinds of social rejections can make the child stressed and anxious, and prevent the formation of trusting relationships.

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Children need good social experiences

In a digital age where many people spend a lot of time on social media, it’s important to be aware of how this preoccupation can affect how we interact with children. Even short interruptions and distractions can weaken security and trust, and over time can negatively affect the child’s emotional development.

A child’s development is highly dependent on good social experiences. When they are subject to digital distraction, it can have lasting consequences – such as problems with emotions, relationships and social competence. This, in turn, can increase the risk of later behavioural problems (ADHD) and difficulties in managing social situations (autism).

The term “technoference” describes how digital distraction can undermine family dynamics. When parents constantly interrupt interactions with their children to use their phone, it can create an uncertain emotional foundation for the child and weaken trust.

The consequences can be serious

It is important to emphasize that social media is not dangerous in itself. It is the continuous distraction when the child needs closeness and communication that can be harmful. Many people do this unconsciously, but the consequences can be serious if the critical moments requiring full attention are not prioritized.

This “digital failure” can damage the child’s ability to form a secure attachment.

The digital failure can affect the child’s ability to develop secure attachment, which is the basis for a healthy emotional life in adulthood. Over time, it can impair children’s ability to interpret social cues and develop empathy. These are skills that are essential for becoming a socially competent adult.

Our society must take responsibility for raising awareness of this. Parents, professional communities and politicians must work together to establish routines and norms that promote presence and quality in interaction. It’s about setting limits for screen use, especially during the children’s most important periods.

It is crucial to recognize this kind of digital failure as a potentially serious, but often overlooked, threat to children’s emotional and social health. The brain in a child’s first years is malleable – and the quality of social experiences there and then will have a major impact on what kind of adult children become.

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An overlooked threat

We must act now to protect the vulnerable child’s brain from damage that can affect lifelong development. This requires awareness, will and collective effort. Parents should prioritise time with their children and full presence during the critical phases. Society can facilitate less digital distraction in kindergartens and schools.

In short: Digital failure is not just about inconsiderate distractions. It is a risk that, if left unaddressed, could weaken the foundations of a safe, empathetic and socially competent society in the future. Let’s create a culture that values and protects children’s need for true presence – for their good and that of society.

To ensure that the next generation becomes empathetic, safe and social adults, we need to recognise that digital failure is one of the most serious, but often overlooked, threats to children’s development today.

This article was first published in Adresseavisen on 22 June 2025.